At times its very difficult to figure out where life is leading to. As at present I feel that I just don’t have a hold on my life. Don’t know where will it lead to and what will become of it and me.
I am not afraid of the uncertain, of not knowing what lies in the future. I am scared of not getting what I want from life. I have a few dreams not very big ones but they are my aspirations and I believe my happiness lies in them. Some of them seem too good to be true. Like what are the changes of a miracle happening? I agree you get everything at a price but if I realize that the amount I was biding with was not sufficient and I have actually lost the deal? Then all this preparation will go waste. I will be such a loser then.
I know even that wont be the end of things I wont give up so easily I have already thought of a few back up plans but if they all fail. What if the thing I want from life is too much. I know life has never been very cruel with me but it has never been very generous too. What if life has some other plans for me and I am fighting against destiny to try to achieve what I think is right? But how can we mere mortals know what are the plans of the big master destiny. We can just struggle, throw our hands about and try to give some meaning to these uncertainties around us.
Its only when the storm is over and we look behind us then we realize how simple things were and how in sync. How much things make sense now and that everything had to happen just this way. Or am I being too optimistic? Could it be that we turn back and regret the turns we took in the course of life and feel that some other decisions would have been better for us. Guess I will be more coherent on my death bed…or who know??? After all such is life and its uncertainties…...
