Life and its uncertainties…...

At times its very difficult to figure out where life is leading to. As at present I feel that I just don’t have a hold on my life. Don’t know where will it lead to and what will become of it and me.

I am not afraid of the uncertain, of not knowing what lies in the future. I am scared of not getting what I want from life. I have a few dreams not very big ones but they are my aspirations and I believe my happiness lies in them. Some of them seem too good to be true. Like what are the changes of a miracle happening? I agree you get everything at a price but if I realize that the amount I was biding with was not sufficient and I have actually lost the deal? Then all this preparation will go waste. I will be such a loser then.

I know even that wont be the end of things I wont give up so easily I have already thought of a few back up plans but if they all fail. What if the thing I want from life is too much. I know life has never been very cruel with me but it has never been very generous too. What if life has some other plans for me and I am fighting against destiny to try to achieve what I think is right? But how can we mere mortals know what are the plans of the big master destiny. We can just struggle, throw our hands about and try to give some meaning to these uncertainties around us.

Its only when the storm is over and we look behind us then we realize how simple things were and how in sync. How much things make sense now and that everything had to happen just this way. Or am I being too optimistic? Could it be that we turn back and regret the turns we took in the course of life and feel that some other decisions would have been better for us. Guess I will be more coherent on my death bed…or who know??? After all such is life and its uncertainties…...

Again at the same point in my life.........

After about more than two years I am back to the same point in my life. A transitory phase. When I have completed my education and I am trying to start making a career. A phase which has again surrounded me with uncertainty, a phase when I have to make some very important life changing decisions and unfortunately I am getting wounded at each step. Wounded by the decisions I have made; wounded by my attempts to make dreams reality, falling apart;wounded by people who love me but are unable to support me.

I am struggling. Struggling with the belief that things will be fine again. Struggling to make things right. Struggling to convince my family that please believe in me. Struggling with life, to stay happy, to resolve my problems.

I am at the verge of loosing hope again…..but the hope I had gained the last time…stops me…..give me strength to hold on….to keep hoping that my world will be bright again…..I will be very happy once again……I will find myself once again……

The right to decide......

The past few days have really made me wonder what is more important the Happiness of those we love or our own happiness? Is it right to sacrifice own happiness for the one’s we love? Especially if they have done a lot for us? Like our parents who give us unconditional love……..some even place parents right next to God. After all parents give us life just as God and especially a mother who goes through so much of pain to give birth to us. Can a mother not ask us for just about anything and are we right to deny her that?

Some of us have strained relationships with our parents; we think that our parents brought up us the wrong way. We bear resentment against it and pray that we are never so ‘cruel’ to our children…..he he!!! But how can parents be cruel what they do is for our ‘good’, ‘our well-being’, after all we mean a lot to them, whether they are able to express it or not……and their methods can be wrong but their intention never is. If only we children could understand that, we will listen to our parents more and be better people.

Will we be really? After all we might have some flaws but which human is perfect? We all dislike some of our ‘characteristics’ but aren’t we mostly happy with the way we are. Are we not satisfied with the way we have grown up to be? Are we not proud of the individuals we have become? I know I am…….I have a lot of flaws……..but when I step outside I know people around me like me for certain things, they even admire me at times. This is more than I can ask for. And I must say that I wouldn’t have been possibly this good had it not been for my parents.

Having said all this I come back to the question that at the end of the day who should have the say when it comes to important decisions of our life? Like what do we study? What we choose as our profession? Whom do we marry? Should we leave the decision to our parents who have so selflessly done so much for us or should we ourselves decide these things? We who have grown up to be responsible, good, rational human beings? Have our parents not raised us with the confidence to trust us to make the right choices? Have parents not made us responsible enough to make our own mistakes and learn through them? Yes, they are being protective, they do not want us to be hurt but are we not getting hurt even when we are not allowed to do what we want? Are we not getting hurt when we feel that they are not trusting us enough to make the right choices?

This is an endless debate parents will always be able to justify themselves and so will the children. It has happened through generations and will continue. However, it’s good to realize that the parents and the children are both striving for the same goal, even though the means are different.

I would like to ask my readers what they think, who in their opinion should be the one to make the crucial decisions of their lives? They themselves or their parents?