The past few days have really made me wonder what is more important the Happiness of those we love or our own happiness? Is it right to sacrifice own happiness for the one’s we love? Especially if they have done a lot for us? Like our parents who give us unconditional love……..some even place parents right next to God. After all parents give us life just as God and especially a mother who goes through so much of pain to give birth to us. Can a mother not ask us for just about anything and are we right to deny her that?
Some of us have strained relationships with our parents; we think that our parents brought up us the wrong way. We bear resentment against it and pray that we are never so ‘cruel’ to our children…..he he!!! But how can parents be cruel what they do is for our ‘good’, ‘our well-being’, after all we mean a lot to them, whether they are able to express it or not……and their methods can be wrong but their intention never is. If only we children could understand that, we will listen to our parents more and be better people.
Will we be really? After all we might have some flaws but which human is perfect? We all dislike some of our ‘characteristics’ but aren’t we mostly happy with the way we are. Are we not satisfied with the way we have grown up to be? Are we not proud of the individuals we have become? I know I am…….I have a lot of flaws……..but when I step outside I know people around me like me for certain things, they even admire me at times. This is more than I can ask for. And I must say that I wouldn’t have been possibly this good had it not been for my parents.
Having said all this I come back to the question that at the end of the day who should have the say when it comes to important decisions of our life? Like what do we study? What we choose as our profession? Whom do we marry? Should we leave the decision to our parents who have so selflessly done so much for us or should we ourselves decide these things? We who have grown up to be responsible, good, rational human beings? Have our parents not raised us with the confidence to trust us to make the right choices? Have parents not made us responsible enough to make our own mistakes and learn through them? Yes, they are being protective, they do not want us to be hurt but are we not getting hurt even when we are not allowed to do what we want? Are we not getting hurt when we feel that they are not trusting us enough to make the right choices?
This is an endless debate parents will always be able to justify themselves and so will the children. It has happened through generations and will continue. However, it’s good to realize that the parents and the children are both striving for the same goal, even though the means are different.
I would like to ask my readers what they think, who in their opinion should be the one to make the crucial decisions of their lives? They themselves or their parents?
i don think anybody can resolve d debate for you. at best u can discuss things wid em and try to sort it out. if both of u cant reach a meeting point, then i'd advise you to go ahead wid what u think is right. parents cant always empathize due to the generation gap, so one must guiltlessly make one's own decisions.
ReplyDeletewow...u officially started a blog....greattt...anyway i do think u need to make ur own decisions but maybe one can aim for as much of a compromise of sorts bearing in what we ourselves want and what the parents want(also one can listen to their concerns and take more time in deciding to see if they r valid enough to actually affect u in the long run)....after all its not easy to completely deny or defy them..a lot of emotional investment is already there in a parent-child relationship...but at the end if u need to choose because they might be too unreasonable then u prioritise-is the career or the marriage important enough to risk everything...u just go for it while u constanly keep yourself available for communicating and reaching out to the older generation...over time everything can work out!anyway its true after all that our parents have raised us well enough to make our own decisions and i think that with ur own decisions-good or bad u can credit or blame yourself...we can't push the blame on anyoneelse and escape responsibility for our decisions! and the matter of parents havin done so much for us does not for me mean that they can ask anything of us...being a mother or a father to us is a blessing for sure but having a good mother/father is our natural birthright!!...in that vein our duty would be to care for them but we need to be individuals first and foremost while making life decisions...for that matter a parent's love for a child is and atleast should be but natural and so would be our love for them!but all of that doest not mean that we have a favour to repay in any way!
ReplyDeleteuhh...hey xxx is me debbie!!:P
ReplyDeleteHi,this is Shreya.
ReplyDeleteI think Deb and Aarshiya's comments kind of cover most of the points i would have wanted to make...
the only thing i would like to say is that having seen a real life situation like this, where children have behaved in a scandalous manner (LOL!!!) and parents have deeply disapproved of it, i can confidently say that even if parents are violently against something in the beginning, they get used to it over a period of time, and then finally come to accept things. i think the most crucial thing is, then, to "just go for it while u constanly keep yourself available for communicating and reaching out to the older generation" like Debbie said.
also, it matters, ofcourse, what kind of parent-child relationship you share, you know? i mean, does it hurt you...actually make you feel terrible inside...if you go ahead and do something which they disapprove of? if it does not, then why not do it? if these notions of 'duty' etc are simple at the intellectual and not the emotional level...ie you can't "feel" the dilemma, then don't worry too much about them. that's what i feel, atleast. dunno how right i am, though. (i feel terribly nervous about giving advice to people, LOL!).
rabab, i think its alright to take your own decisions..i mean u cant always please everyone, its in the drill called life, therefore, alright to think of your own happiness...you are the only one who's going to live with yourself afterall for the rest of your life and its better, trust me, to not have to think that "had i done that then...i would have been this or that or whatever wouldn't been the way it is"...IF u're taking a decision, and you must, you should be able to own upto it even if things go haywire (ofcourse we hope not)...i mean thats how it has been with me...experiences are important...it asks for courage to just get on with what you believe is right, i am sure you can reason that well since no one knows you better than yourself! parents are the best people in the world (most of the times) since they love us unconditionally and all...at the same time, we are our own....and i am not negating their importance when i say this, but, there has to be a time when one has to cut loose and let go! with logic and the parameter of judgement that is within us, i think, its always important to explore and sometimes chose for ourselves, thats better than never having thought or deciding ourselves ever, with the regret of the same to live with throughout our life, as the possibility of good and bad happening in case of whoever takes decisions is never known... therefore you might as well do it for youself and be responsible for whatever comes your way, in anycase life's a teacher :) all the best!
ReplyDeletelove u girls......u always make things so simple....indidvidual comments will follow up soon............
ReplyDeletearey as uve said its an endless debate...
ReplyDeletetheres obviously a generation gap..but i guess after a certain age say 20s parents should understand that the child has become an adult and respect his decisions on life,..rest the child should also be thoughful about parents well being..and convince and put his point across the parents in a way thats mature enogh...
1. Well, compromise is the name of the game....n both the concerned parties need to understand that. You give some, you get some...
ReplyDelete2. There are certain decisions that cannot be taken by anyone but us... We need to consult our elders, our friends, but the final authority should be no one but us....
Thats it...Wt do you say??