THE LADY LOVE'S INABILITY TO LOVE.................

LOVE……the reason to live for someone. To be able to die for someone. To prioritize someone else over oneself and to forget oneself. Love gives joy and satisfaction but if left incomplete it leads to broken hearts and sadness. This sadness sometimes engulfs some so much that they waste their whole lives in the memory of their lover. Hence, we have the stories of Romeo, Majnu, Devdas, etc.

Talking about it, well……..why are all these passionate lover just men? Do we women lack that passion? The capability of forgetting oneself in someone’s love. The ability to dedicate all our lives to someone we love? Yes, we do have Mira who was completely devoted to Krishna……but just one example? Juliet and Laila are also known for their love stories but not for their madness about their lover. Paro loved Devdas immensely but she finally accepted her ‘unhappy’ married life.

Does what happened to Paro, happens to most of the women? Do they finally also succumb to family pressure and accept their ‘unhappy’ marriages, tying desperately to make it work by compromising at every step or forgetting their ‘love’ in their husband and children. As a contrast to men who have more of a liberty to spoil their lives as they wish. To get depressed, drunk, leave their families and all. So can we conclude that women are not given that amount of liberty to forget oneself in love and just dedicate their lives to someone?

However, we see so many women around us who dedicate their lives loving their husbands, children, their families. Giving them so much of one sided love and affection. Asking nothing at all in return. So if a woman can be so selfless in love, why don’t we have recognition of it? Why don’t we have the acknowledgement of a female equivalent of Devdas, Romeo or Majnu? Or does loving your family taken so much for granted that the intensity of love in it is just not recognized?

Things fall apart......... the centre cannot hold

I know you think I cannot do it. I know you think you were right when you told me not to do it. I know you want me to learn a hard lesson and come back saying sorry for having tried. I know you always said you are there to support but you never believed that I could do it. I know when you see me failing you think how right you were and how wrong was I. I know you think I took my life decisions wrong and hence I am in a mess. I know you think you are my well wisher but your doubt in me proves that you are not. I know you think you care for me but how can you when you are seldom there to encourage me. I know you think you will catch me when I fall but how will you do so when you are already saying in your heart ‘I told her so’. I know you are waiting for me to give up my way and take up yours.

I know that if I lose today I lose all that I have ever stood up for. I know if I give up today it would mean that I give up all the decisions I ever took. I know if I back out today I back out from taking part in my own life. I know that if it ends today my life will end what it was meant to be.

I know all this and so I have decided that I won’t.......

I won’t let you know that I have made up my mind to keep fighting. I won’t let you know about the pain you cause me by not believing. I won’t let you know that I am nowhere near giving up. I won’t let you know that you doubt have given me a bigger push. I won’t let you know that I am not a loser. I won’t let you know that I believe in myself and I will emerge out of it without your help. I won’t let you know that I trust myself more than I trust you. I won’t let you know that this is just the beginning and not an end you had foreseen.

Life and its meaning-lessness!!!

I began life with a motto 'Life is to be lived, so live it to the fullest' but today somehow I lack the zeal. Do not know whether something went wrong or is it happening on its own or whether I am going through a 'quarter-life crisis' but I feel that human existence is futile.

To think of it....why are we all running?? Living a life which will sooner or later surely end. What is the point of it all? What are we striving to attain? Most people say they want to do something meaningful in life. How can you do that 'meaningful' bit when we all are just striving to make a good career and money? Even if we do something big like become a celeb or mini-celeb so that people recognize us and remember us even after we are gone. How will that benefit us?

Many have strived for immortality by their deeds. Being remembered by generations to come and making a mark in history has sort of immortalized them, but in real they are just dead and gone. Leaving people after them just dissecting their lives to prove that they are not as big 'saints' as we remember them or as big 'tyrants' as we make them out to be.

Am I going through a going through a period of 'existential angst' as I had read about in literature? At that time I was not able to fully comprehend what 'Waiting for Godot' meant. How can one reach a point where even dying seems futile? But now I think I can understand what it was meant to be.

Yet, I have not given up. I still seek answers. Looking for answers most people turn spiritual. I am not sure that I completely understand what it means. I consider it to be one of the cool lingoes our generation has taken up as they think turning 'religious' sounds passe.

I do not know whether I can find my answers like this or even move on this path but I found words for my thoughts through these lines...

"Ho mujh pe karam sarkar tera
Araj tujhe kar de mujhe
Mujhse hi riha
Ab mujhko bhi ho deedar mera
Kar de mujhe mujh se hi riha
Mujh se hi rihaaa.."

Marriage: A façade of reality.

About to get over with my studies in about a year, am surrounded by my parent's anxieties to find me a 'suitable boy'. With people my age already declaring 'kabool hai', 'trying the knot' or 'walking down the aisle'. I am forced to believe that my days of singlehood are numbered. Marriages in India are said to be coming together of not just two individuals but two families. Even Rakhi Sawant has been repeatedly emphasizing in her 'swayamvar' that she wants to marry the entire family of the groom, I wonder whether she will take 'pheras' with all of them?

 

The process of marriage starts with groom hunting if you are unable to find one on your own. Your parents try not only to find you the eligible match but also work on making you eligible for the match. With that begins the process of shedding the excess weight from your body, being fair and lovely, learning to behave in a more feminine and coy fashion to learning how to cook and getting more interest in domestic chores. The boys on the other hand have to just come up with a list of demands about the kind of girl they want as long as they have a respectable, good salaried job.

 

After the match-making the preparations for marriage begin which includes endless shopping and important decisions to be made on the caterer, decorators and beautician. Hence, the girl's parents go wreck trying to do much more than they could afford. The respectable and educated families say no to dowry, but usual things like furniture, expansive clothes and jewelry and if possible a flat and car are expected. Even the girl's family has to make a show of how much can they give to their beloved daughter in front of their relatives and the groom's family. Elaborate dressed which the girl will never again wear and loud jewelry to be nicely kept away in bank lockers is given. If these are gifts for the girls, why aren't some gifts given to the boy too? After all it's his marriage too….poor soul might feel so left out. Also will the girl's parents never again see her that all these wonderful gifts have to be given in one go? They boy's family proudly declares that they did not ask for these but can they also say that they deny to accept these?

 

However, the façade has just begun; the real winner is the wedding day itself. Innumerable people are invited, people the bride or groom don't know and will never know, come, eat and make merry. Food from different parts of India and the world is served. The bride is decked up in heavy make-up, dress and jewelry. To give her the perfect look she goes though long sessions from at least a month back at the beauticians. To top it all, marriages have to be picture perfect, so the camera man can even make you redo the whole ceremony because he didn't get the right shot.

 

Finally alls done and everyone returns home apparently happy and definitely tired. From here the reality of life begins, as the bride and groom start with their married life. The whole façade leading to a reality which changes lives forever.

Paro ya Chandramukhi?????

'Single and all set to mingle' is generally used by us in a fun sort of way. But haven't we come to a point in our society where being single is seen as a compulsion, a pathetic situation where no one is ready to 'mingle' with you.

For boys having a girlfriend has become a status symbol, they need to have an arm candy to flaunt around. Does this mean that being single involves a lot of 'peer pressure' on the boys? Are they seen as losers if they are single? Hmm…..whatever it might be…doesn't concern me at the moment.

Here, I want to tell my side of the story. What being single for a girl is! So if you are a 'fast' girl, you know the kinds who are worldly wise, with radical ideas and not refrain from calling a spade a spade and still 'sadly' single. You must have done 'it' all. You know after all whatever we know about in this world comes though doing it. Who learns from the media or reading things or from any other source? Then as you are single in spite of it you must be so 'desperate' and so 'available'. Of course in such a situation you are ready to get hooked with any Tom, Dick or Harry who comes your way. It's a different matter altogether whether they are 'interested' in you.

So dear girls with such a reputation better not mention the word 'commitment'. It's not meant for 'fast' girls who are just supposed to have 'flings' not look for long lasting relationships. After all how can a potential Chandramukhi talk like Paro?

We somewhere forget the fine line between these two women who are considered poles apart. Though Chandramukhi had many partners she wanted commitment the very instant she fell in love. And who says Paro had no desires, if given a chance Paro would have possibly had an extra-marital affair with Devdas.

Why are we so keen about labeling women, one way or another? Why has she to be either a Paro or Chandramukhi? Why can't a woman with an open mind, radical thoughts, be single because she chooses to be so? Can't she be just waiting for the right guy and is single by choice and not desperate to just hook up with anyone? Can't she?