I began life with a motto 'Life is to be lived, so live it to the fullest' but today somehow I lack the zeal. Do not know whether something went wrong or is it happening on its own or whether I am going through a 'quarter-life crisis' but I feel that human existence is futile.
To think of it....why are we all running?? Living a life which will sooner or later surely end. What is the point of it all? What are we striving to attain? Most people say they want to do something meaningful in life. How can you do that 'meaningful' bit when we all are just striving to make a good career and money? Even if we do something big like become a celeb or mini-celeb so that people recognize us and remember us even after we are gone. How will that benefit us?
Many have strived for immortality by their deeds. Being remembered by generations to come and making a mark in history has sort of immortalized them, but in real they are just dead and gone. Leaving people after them just dissecting their lives to prove that they are not as big 'saints' as we remember them or as big 'tyrants' as we make them out to be.
Am I going through a going through a period of 'existential angst' as I had read about in literature? At that time I was not able to fully comprehend what 'Waiting for Godot' meant. How can one reach a point where even dying seems futile? But now I think I can understand what it was meant to be.
Yet, I have not given up. I still seek answers. Looking for answers most people turn spiritual. I am not sure that I completely understand what it means. I consider it to be one of the cool lingoes our generation has taken up as they think turning 'religious' sounds passe.
I do not know whether I can find my answers like this or even move on this path but I found words for my thoughts through these lines...
"Ho mujh pe karam sarkar tera
Araj tujhe kar de mujhe
Mujhse hi riha
Ab mujhko bhi ho deedar mera
Kar de mujhe mujh se hi riha
Mujh se hi rihaaa.."
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